


I'm Who I've Got to Be

by hamilton_burr



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Road Trips, john has siblings!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:11:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5699587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamilton_burr/pseuds/hamilton_burr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That Road Trip AU (That I think is going to get a sequel but who really know)<br/>Ham and Laurens are cute but aren't really together yet (that's for part two!!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Who I've Got to Be

There was nothing Alexander loved more than his car. It wasn't an impressive car by any means, but he had earned it. He got two jobs over the summer to pay for the car, and his foster family had been kind enough to pay for driving lessons. In all honesty the Washingtons were rich, and probably would've bought him a nicer car for his sixteenth birthday, but he wanted something of substance that he earned. So he dealt with cancelling plans and working insane shifts at various places. Customer service was never his forté but Alexander bit back most of his rude comments and tried his best to reason with people. He still had to keep one of the jobs to pay for gas, but now that he had his car he could hardly stop driving. He'd be gone for whole weekends only returning because of a promise to his foster father that he would finish out high school. 

But if there was a close second in Alexander's heart it would be driving with his friends. Most weekends he'd stop by Mulligan’s house where he'd pick up Hercules, Lafayette, and Laurens. They'd then give Alexander random directions in which to turn until they were properly lost. They would then pull over and sit outside on a blanket with food Mrs. Washington always insisted on Alexander taking on these endeavors. They'd eat and laugh and wait for the stars to come out. Then they laid together as close as possible to keep warm, and would stare at the stars for hours, just taking comfort in the presence and safety only felt when around friends. None of them willing to think about the fact that this would all end someday. 

It was a Friday and Alexander hadn't been at school. They knew he had to be incredibly sick, because he never missed school if he could help it. So Laurens volunteers to go check on him after school, to make sure he was okay. 

Walking up to the Washington’s door always made Laurens nervous in an unreasonable way. He'd spent many nights here when his father’s homophobia got to be too much. Mr. Washington even offered to speak to him, man-to-man, but Laurens didn't think he could take that. He wanted to at least keep up the illusion his father wasn't that bad, but he was mentally counting down the days until his eighteenth birthday.

He knocked on the door and waited, rocking on his heels and picking at his hoodie sleeve, both nervous habits he had picked up in his many years of friendship with Alexander Hamilton.  
Mrs. Washington answered the door. 

“Ma'am, is Alex here? He wasn't at school today and we were all worried.” 

“Son, how many times must I request you call me Martha?”

“I'm sorry ma'am. I mean Martha.” He flinched a little, feeling the backhand that occurred when he referred to adults by their first name. Both he and Mrs. Washington knew he'd be right back to calling her ma'am before he left. 

“Oh it's alright dear, Alexander's upstairs. He told us not to let anyone see him, but I do believe you're the exception.” Mrs. Washington gestured for him to enter. He headed for the stairs when she called out, “Are you staying for dinner? I'm making that squash dish you love.”

Laurens smiled brightly at her, “Then how could I refuse? I would love to stay for dinner, ma'am-Martha.” 

“Alright then. I'll be sure to have George set the table for four then. Off you go.” 

Once Laurens was up the stairs, George Washington said from his spot at the table, “We don't even have any squash.”

“Well I guess I'll have to go buy some then, won't I?” She responded, mentally making a list of other things she’d need to get from the store. 

“You love spoiling that boy.” George sighed fondly.

“Well somebody ought to. Lord knows he deserves it.” She sighed, and lowered her voice, “I wish he'd just move in already. I'd love to give his father a strong talking to on how great that boy really is.” 

“I would too, my love.” George ran his hand through his hair, “But we have to wait until he's eighteen until we ask. It's still illegal, and you know that rotten old man of his has been trying to find a way to get that boy away from Alexander since day one.” 

“That won't be happening. Not if either one of them has a say in it. Are you accompanying me to the store, George?” 

“Anything for you my dear.” George rose, grabbing both of their coats. 

Upstairs, Laurens knocks on Alexander's door, in an attempt to be polite. 

“Go away!” Alexander yells, but it comes out muffled. So much for being polite. He opens the door and walks in, making sure to close it behind him. 

“You wouldn't be yelling at your favorite person to go away, would you?” Laurens feigned innocence.

But Alexander just groans, “I regret ever telling you that.”

“No you don't.” Laurens says, knowing Alexander is nothing if not sincere and purposeful with his words. 

“Damn you for being right again.” He said, still underneath a mountain of covers. 

“Are you coming out?” Laurens asked. 

“Must I?” Alexander countered. 

“Yes.” 

And ever faithfully, he did. Well, he popped his head out and looked at Laurens. 

“Have I ever told you that you're very pretty?” Alexander asked after studying Laurens’ face which turned a deep red causing Alexander to laugh. “You're even cuter when you blush.” 

He does this with everyone. Hell, he calls Lafayette mon amour. Calm down. Laurens reminded himself. 

“Where were you today?” Laurens said noticing Alexander didn't look particularly sick. 

“I might've been running my mouth off at Jefferson who might've taken me seriously when I told him to fight me. In fairness I held my own pretty well until he kicked my leg, the cheater. It was pretty much over at that point. But I did give him a bloody nose, so that was great.”

“I regret asking.” Laurens said, sitting next to Hamilton’s head. Looking down at him made Laurens’ heart flutter. He was handsome in an effortless type of way. Laurens stroked Hamilton’s hair absently, lost in the peace of the moment. 

It was a lot quieter in the Washington house than it ever was at his own. His house was home to four kids along with his parents, and their small army of servants. Most time was spent in the downstairs (as it was required during meal times and to use one of the many laptops in the house.) This was where Laurens hated being most of all. His father had no brain to mouth filter, and constantly made derogatory comments towards whomever struck his nerve at that moment. If it wasn’t the gays (which it often was), it was the immigrants, or it was the blacks (making too much ruckus, of course), or it was the liberals (because how dare equality mean everybody). Sometimes it became hard for Laurens to listen to his father without talking back. Which was the number one way to getting hit. Laurens had built up an incredible tolerance for pain over the years, until one day he realized that his father was enjoying scaring the younger children into believing what he did. So one day Laurens stopped talking to his father all together, unless he was first spoken to. It was hard, but it was worth it to hear his younger sister, thirteen now, come into his room late at night and ask him if the Syrian refugees were really going to be kept out of the United States. 

“What are you thinking about?” Alexander asked from where he had laid his head on Laurens’ lap.

“My ignorant bastard of a father.” Laurens spat out bitterly, before regaining a bit of his composure, “Sorry. That was an unnecessary outburst.”

“As the king of unnecessary outbursts, I’d like to declare that one completely necessary and correct.” Alexander said, “What’d he do this time?”

“Nothing yet. That I know of. But what am I to do when I move out? I can’t keep protecting my siblings once I’m gone. And I can’t have him turning them against me. I already lost my mother and father in a tantalizing way. If I just agreed with him, he’d be proud of me. He’d love me. And she’s no different. She just wishes we’d get along, but she believes everything he says like he’s a god.”

“What about Martha? Won’t she be there to educate the younger ones?” 

“No. I’ll tell her not to. Keep her head down until she can get out. There’s no telling what I’ll do if he hurts her. And we both know that he will, if he thinks she’s against him. I’ll have to stay here for college. I’ll have to protect them.”

“No, John,” Alexander said, sitting up, “You have to follow your dreams. Come to New York with me. Become a doctor, or a naturalist. Or whatever you want to do. You can’t stay here. The world deserves to know John Laurens, and they won’t if you stay in South Carolina.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?!” He shouted, “Please, Alexander, tell me, how am I supposed to keep them safe from New York?” 

“You might not have to. My foster parents could. They could make sure none of them were being hurt, and if they ever were they could call the police! Get him arrested.” Alexander responded optimistically.

“Nothing would ever come of it. My siblings wouldn’t testify, neither would Mom. He’d get off.”

“No, but you would! And so could the servants. You said they dislike your father, too.”

“Yes but he signs their paychecks. I couldn’t have them risk that for us. And the defense would discredit me as soon as I walked in. They’d say I hate my father and am only doing this to get back at him.” Laurens sounded something he never was. Defeated. And Alexander Hamilton couldn’t let his best friend feel that way, no matter what. So he changed his approach.

He laid his hand gently over Laurens’ where he was picking at a loose string in his jeans. “We’ll figure this out. I swear to you, I won’t sleep until I’ve found a solution to this dilemma. And you know me, John. I really won’t. I don’t sleep well anyway. This will consume my every thought. My every waking and slumbering thought alike until my immense knowledge pays off and grants me a solution. I swear it on my life, John Laurens. I will help you in this endeavor in every way possible.” He ended his speech standing, his and Laurens’ hands clasped together.

His speech had the desired effect, Laurens smiled and shook his head. “You’re ridiculous. Absolutely, amazingly, ridiculous.”

“But you love me.” Alexander smiled.

“Alas, my fatal flaw.” Laurens quipped, standing so he was in front of Hamilton. They were very close, hands still clasped. They were staring each other in the eye, so Laurens’ noticed when Alexander’s eyes flickered to his lips, but as if he was catching a mistake they went right back to his eyes but with more determination. Like he was making a conscious choice to stare Laurens in the eye. Laurens’ eyes flickered down to Hamilton’s lips, which he was biting. He thought about kissing him, to get him to calm down, when a knock at the door broke their trance. They jumped apart and released hands.

“Boys? Martha says dinner will be ready soon so wash up, okay?” Mr. Washington called from the door. 

“Yes sir.” Laurens answered for them both.

He looked back over to Hamilton, who was blushing but looking at Laurens curiously. 

“I suppose we should go down, lest they think we’re doing something unsavory in the house.”

“Unsavory?” Hamilton questioned, smirking.

“Unsavory in the presence of company of course.” Laurens responded back quickly and effortlessly. 

“Oh well, lest they think that. We should most definitely go down, at once.” Hamilton said opening his door and gesturing for Laurens to go first.

“What a gentleman.” Laurens said.

“Never let it be said that Alexander Hamilton lacks manners.” Alexander smiled, he made to bow but winced, remembering his injuries a second too late.

Laurens raised an eyebrow but Alexander waved him off. “Nothing. Just an unfair move on Jefferson’s part, as previously stated.” 

Laurens gave him a look that communicated how well he believed that Alexander was fine, but there was nothing to be done about it for now.  
They went downstairs to find a smiling Mrs. Washington putting the final preparations on dinner. It warmed John’s heart knowing how much effort she put into making sure everybody was happy and full of quality food. It had been her who taught Laurens how to make the bare essentials, claiming it was because Alexander couldn’t be taught, but he knew she just wanted to make sure he could take care of himself. The same reason that it was Mr. Washington who took him and Alexander out to the backyard to teach them to throw a decent punch. He claimed then that every child should know how to fight, even if they should never initiate a fistfight. Even at ten Laurens knew that he wanted to make sure that if the time came, John could defend himself. John didn’t know he’d ever loved anyone he wasn’t related to, as much as the Washingtons. And as far as they were concerned, they were related in the only way that matters.

“How was school today John?” Martha said, gesturing for them both to sit at the table. 

“It went as well as it ever does. How was your day?” He replied respectfully.

“It would’ve been a lot more pleasant if Alexander would have went to school today and blessed us by whining about things no one can help internally.” She said.

“Aww, don’t pretend you didn’t try to help, Ma. Even when I said nothing in my room was mentally stimulating enough to satiate my need to learn, you tried to teach me how to knit.”

“As is the curse of loving Alexander Hamilton. I try to impart good life skills onto you and you mock me for my elderly age.”

“I did no such thing!” Alexander defended quickly before Laurens could jump to her defense, “I simply said knitting was as boring as staring at a wall once you got the hang of it, and is only good for occupying the hand and not the mind.”

“Are you telling me I’m boring?” She asked, pointing a spoon at him.

Alexander sighed loudly, “There’s no winning this. I’m sorry I insulted the age old practice of making warm wear with yarn. By the way Laurens, does your youngest sister need a scarf? I made one but it’s too small for my Ma to sell.”

“Mary already worships the ground you walk on. You want to give her more of a reason to do that?” Laurens groans, “I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“You act as if that’s a bad thing? I adore your siblings, and I enjoy seeing Mary smile. Is that such a detriment to your wellbeing?” Alexander said.

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy here. She talks about you as if you’re her best friend. She keeps asking me when we’re getting married, and that she promises she won’t tell dad.” Laurens sighs.

“Aww but that’s so cute. She thinks it’s okay for us to get married, so you’ve succeeded!” Alexander beamed, and Laurens could’ve sworn he saw a light blush across his cheeks, but it may have been the light. 

Mr. and Mrs. Washington laid all the food out on the table and allowed the boys to serve themselves first. After everyone got their share of food Mrs. Washington had them all go around the table and say something they learned that day. 

This was secretly Laurens’ favorite part of eating with the Washingtons. He loved knowing no matter what he said, they wouldn’t judge him. He could say pretty much anything and they wouldn’t look at him as anything less than human, like his father would.

“Well, I learned that I do not have the patience for knitting.” Alexander started, smiling widely at Mrs. Washington who gave him a playful glare in return.

“I learned that I don’t have the patience to pay attention in Anatomy without Alexander writing me notes making everything in that class seem so much more interesting.” Laurens said.

“Aww, thanks mon chéri.” Alexander replied, smiling.

“I learned that Alexander doesn’t know how to appreciate the fine art of knitting.” Mrs. Washington shot back.

“And I learned that I will never get involved in an argument between my darling wife and my son.” Mr. Washington said.

“I second that.” Laurens said, smiling. He could get used to this, everyone at the dinner table happy and content with each other. 

They ate in peace, conversation ebbing and flowing naturally. Nothing was forced and awkward, and John felt at peace. Until he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He groaned internally, praying that it wasn't his parents, but of course, God wasn't listening to him. It was his father. 

“I'm sorry, I've got to check this.” He said, pulling his phone out all the way. 

The text read, “come home.” 

“Crap. I'm so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Washington. I've got to go home now. The food was stellar, as always ma'am.” He rose, politely setting his napkin on the plate. 

“Ma can I walk him home?” Alexander asked.

“I don't see why not. Stay safe.” She said, waving him off. 

“Thank you.” Alexander replied, grabbing his phone from on top of the table and waving goodbye. 

Once they were outside Laurens began to worry.

“Why does he always seem to know when I'm finally relaxed and happy? I swear he only texts me when I'm finally content. Is he psychic?” He groaned. 

“Probably not. He's probably got an internal clock that alerts him every day at 6:30 that he has to bum you out.” Alexander replied.

“I hope I'm still allowed back at your house. I hate it when I have to sleep at my house. It's so quiet.” 

“Awe, John, are you saying you miss my sleep talking?” 

“In a moment of insanity, yes.” He leaned into Alexander and holding his arm, “Take me away from here.”

“Right now? Because we can just hide you in my house, say you ran away. My foster parents wouldn't care. They'd help me hide you.” Alexander replied, leaning into Laurens as well. But Laurens knew that Alexander would keep going until he had a logical plan, so he decided to stop him now.

“How are you feeling? Do you still hurt?” He asked to deflect the conversation back onto Alexander.

“No need to worry about me, my dear Laurens. I'll be fine come morning. Just remind me not to fight Jefferson again in the presence of his friends.” 

“Don't tell me they…” Laurens imagined the worst case scenario: Jefferson and his followers all kicking Alexander while he tries to stand.

“No, well they tried. Madison and Burr put a stop to it at that point. You can say a lot about Aaron Burr, the slimy wretch, but he's an honest and fair man. Plus he probably figured if I was incapacitated, who then would suffer his existentialist texts?” 

“Oh my god. Maybe Hercules and I should have a chat with Jefferson and show him what's fair.” 

“Though I enjoy the mental image of you fighting on my behalf, and am sure your father would approve of your newfound manly ventures, I do not need you getting hurt by that slug of all people.” 

“Awe, Alex, you always know what to say to get my heart going.” Laurens joked, grabbing his chest.

“Oh shove it, you.” Alexander shoved him for effect, forgetting they were still attached at the arm, causing both of them to fall. Causing them both to laugh. 

“Didn't think that one through all the way, huh Alexander?” Laurens said, from underneath Alexander. 

“Shh. Since when do I ever think anything through?” Alexander points out, grimacing as he stands. 

“Good point.” Laurens says, taking the hand Alexander extends to help him up. When they're both standing neither of them moves to let go. Laurens didn't want him to let go but knew if his father saw it would be the end of him. So reluctantly, he released Alexander's hand and tried to smiled reassuringly. 

“Let's get you home before your dad decides to storm my house looking for you.” Alexander said, leading the way.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, listening to the peacefulness of their neighborhood at night. You couldn't hear the sirens of ambulances or the constant whirring of cars like you could where Alexander was from, but he reveled in the silence. 

Arriving at the Laurens’ Estate was always shocking to Alexander. Looking at his friend, you couldn't tell that he was from such modern day regality. The pillars reaching higher than them bordered the porch, which led into a glass encased living area where John could see the rest of the family gathered. 

“I'll call you if I'm coming back over, okay? Thank your mom again for dinner for me.” Laurens said. 

“You know I won't. She already thinks too highly of you and your manners. But stay safe. Don't do anything stupid.” Alexander said, glancing at the window warily. 

“So nothing you would do. Got it.” Laurens said, approaching the door. Alexander waited until he got to the door and inside safely before turning to walk home. 

When Laurens first walked in he saw the whole family sitting on couches, with his father standing in front of the lit fireplace. 

“Hey guys, so what’d I miss?” Laurens said, glancing around hoping for a clue from somebody as to what was going on.

“Johnathan. Great, you’ve finally decided to bless us with your presence.” His father said, and it sent chills down his spine causing him to stand up straight. When Mr. Washington jokingly says it to Alexander, it makes him warm inside, knowing that he is subtly reminding him that he cares about him. His father makes the phrase condescending. 

“Yes sir, sorry I was late.” Laurens said, not expanding upon why he was late. His father didn’t put up with excuses or explanations. 

“Good. I’d say make sure it doesn’t happen again, but you never heed my warnings. Sit down.” He said, and Laurens walked over to the couch with his siblings, lightly resting his hand on Mary’s back to reassure her.

“I’m running for Governor. I’ve calculated the odds, and I think it will work. Which means you guys can not get into any trouble. Johnathan, no more of those liberal rallies. If anyone were to find out, the Republicans wouldn’t endorse me and you know how important things like this are to me.” His father stared him down and he nodded, looking to the floor.

“That’s all. Johnathan, you can go back to galavanting about with that girlfriend of yours.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend, sir.” 

“Hmm,” his father said thoughtfully, “you should get on that. How old are you again?”

“Seventeen, sir.” He responded, knowing this was one of his father’s ways to make them think he didn’t care about them. He pretended to forget birthdays, ages, and even allergies. Young Henry was horribly allergic to peanuts, but their father would forget and suggest peanut themed dishes for dinner. He knew well and good that Henry was allergic, he just wanted to know if anyone would question him. That never ended well, and he never went as far as to have his wife make the food, so John encouraged everyone to just ignore him when he said something like that.

“At seventeen I was on girlfriend number four. You really should work on getting one. Wouldn’t you like hanging out with someone who wasn’t related to you at political functions?” He responded.

“Yes sir.” Laurens responded, but it was strained. He hadn’t told his father that he was gay and would never have a girlfriend. He had only told his closest friends and younger sister. And that was only after she confessed to him that she was asexual. She cried when she told him and it broke his heart that she had to be afraid of rejection for something she couldn’t help. He made her promise never to tell their parents. They couldn’t know about either of them.

“You’re all free to go.” His father dismissed, walking out of the room wife in tow.

John stood and made sure the kids were okay. It wasn’t completely necessary. His mother would never let their father lay a hand on the girls, in her presence, and Henry Jr was basically perfect in his father’s eyes so they would be fine. Once he was thoroughly assured they were alright, he left to go back to Alexander’s house, texting him on the way there.

To: Ham, My Man  
Omw back to your’s. That’s okay right?

From: Ham, My Man  
Of course it is, my dear Laurens. I don’t know why you always ask, like I’d ever say no to you.

It was things like this that made Laurens’ heart race. He knew Alexander was bi so that wasn’t the problem with his crush. He was also pretty sure his feelings were reciprocated in earnest. But he couldn’t put Alex in danger like that. His father was already a popular businessman and somewhat of a local celebrity. If it was outed that Laurens’ was dating Alexander by the press, his father would disown him faster than he could turn his head. And disowning him was the best case scenario. 

He knocked on the Washington’s door and Alexander called from him to just come in. Laurens complied and saw Alexander lying on the couch watching an old horror movie with Mr. and Mrs. Washington. The Washington’s were curled up together on the other couch and waved happily at Laurens as he walked in. He smiled at them and kicked his shoes off at the door.

“Laurens! Join me in watching the good horror movies.”

“There is such thing?” Laurens joked knowing how much Alexander loved horror movies, and he got just the reaction he wanted. Alexander sitting up to look at him, affronted and gasping.

“How dare you, John Laurens? I thought this friendship meant something to you.” Alexander said, “Did you hear this?” He asked the Washington’s.

“I wouldn’t know what you are talking about, son.” Mr. Washington replied and John smiled. 

“You’re all against me. It’s me against the world.” Alexander lamented, laying back down.

“That’s lovely Alexander. Now please sit up.” Laurens said, walking over the couch.

“I shan’t. My heart is irreparably broken causing me to stay immobile.” Alexander sighed.

“Alright, fine.” Laurens said sitting on top of Alexander’s legs. He jumped and pulled his legs out from under Laurens. Instead of continuing his tirade of being betrayed by everyone he loves he turned around and laid his head on Laurens’ lap.

“I’m good as pillow but not as a friend. Alright Alexander. I see how fickle you are.” Laurens joked, but began to play with his hair. Alexander responded by leaning into the touch slightly. “You should let me braid your hair.”

“You can do whatever you want to my hair, as long as you keep touching it.” Alexander admitted. Laurens tugged it lightly, causing Alexander to jump and sit up.

“That was rude.” He glared at Laurens, who just shrugged and smiled. 

“Boys. If you can’t be quiet then please go up to Alexander’s room to talk. Martha and I are trying to watch this.” Mr. Washington said, serious but not mad.

But something clicked in Laurens’ brain, “Yes sir, sorry sir.” He said more as a reflex, looking at the ground and awaiting a response from Mr. Washington.

Mr. Washington raised an eyebrow, “It’s alright John. I’m not mad.” His voice softened and Laurens’ just nodded, not looking up from the ground.

Alexander reached out to touch him and John flinched. It wasn’t dramatic but Alexander and the Washingtons noticed.

“Are you okay, John?” Alexander asked, being careful not to touch him.

“Yeah, sorry.” He said finally looking up at Alexander. He didn’t quite make eye contact with him , though. “Must be tired. I get jumpy when I’m tired.” 

“Yeah, must be.” Alexander conceded, suspiciously. “We can go to bed if you want.”

“Only if you’re tired.” Laurens replied, wondering why he had to pick such a lame excuse. Alexander’s hyperactive imagination had probably thought out ten different reasons why he was flinching and none of them had to do with tiredness. 

“I’m constantly exhausted, my dear Laurens. But I never sleep. It’s a baffling conundrum. Alas, I will attempt sleep for you, though.” Alexander said, standing and offering a hand to Laurens. Laurens took his hand and didn’t let go as Alexander led him to the stairs.

“Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Washington.” Laurens said from the bottom of the stairs.

“It’s George and Martha, John. And goodnight to you, too.” 

“Why do you call them that?” Alexander asked as they ascended the steps, “We’ve been friends for years now and I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call my parents by their first names.”

Laurens shrugged, “Parents ingrained in my head that you always treat adults with respect. Including never calling an adult by their first name.”

“Even after they’ve asked you to?” Alexander asked.

Laurens just shrugged again instead of answering. Alexander still hadn’t let go of his hand and Laurens would be content if he never did. Alexander opened the door and they walked in. Once they were both in the room, Alexander let go of Laurens’ hand to grab him pajamas.

John thanked him and headed into the bathroom. He wanted to bang his against the wall. He wasn’t getting over this crush anytime soon. He’d have to wait it out, for Alexander’s sake.

He exited the bathroom after finishing to see Alexander already asleep in the middle of his bed. Laurens smiled and moved the hair out of his face. Which caused Alexander to hum in his sleep.

“Budge over, Alex.” Laurens’ nudged his shoulder. He wouldn’t normally wake him for anything since he so rarely slept, but Alexander didn’t have any spare blankets in his room and he really didn’t want to ask Mr. and Mrs. Washington.

Alexander moved over a bit and Laurens laid down next to him. Alexander immediately moved to lay on Laurens’ chest, and Laurens moved his arm so he could rest his hand on Alexander’s side. He listened as Alexander’s breathing evened out. He could get used to this, he thought to himself. But he couldn’t let his father find out. He had to keep Alexander safe. If there was anybody in this world who deserved happiness, it was Alexander Hamilton. Laurens pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head and dozed off.

Too early for Laurens’ sanity Alexander was jumping on top of him. 

“John come on!” 

“Mmm,” Laurens buried his head in the pillow, “what time is it?” He asked, his voice muffled.

“About four thirty. But come one! We’ll miss the sun rise!” Alexander kept jumping on the bed.

“Coffee?” He asked, complying with Alexander’s request with a sigh.

“But of course. I would never try to wake you up without it. Now come on, we should be getting on the road soon.” Alexander said, running out of the room to god knows where. Probably writing out a note for Mr. and Mrs. Washington explaining their whereabouts. They’ll text John at about noon to see if they’re coming home. More often than not they don’t, just sleeping in Alexander’s car or bringing along tents and sleeping bags if the weather was good enough. It was the beginning of fall, so Laurens dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt layered with a hoodie. He didn’t even bother brushing his hair into some semblance of neat, simply pulling it up into a ponytail. Alexander usually stopped for coffee at least four times, so he made sure to bring his wallet and emergency supply kit, filled with a first aid kit, flashlight and an emergency cell phone Mr. Washington gave him, under the guise of an extra security measure. But Laurens was able to read between the lines and kept it hidden but on him at all times.

He walked downstairs and was greeted with Alexander presenting him with a thermos full of blessedly warm coffee. He had made it the way Laurens’ likes it, with creamer and sugar to drown out the bitterness of the coffee. He smiled appreciatively at Alexander who was still jumping up and down, presumably excited over the drive. 

“I made a new road trip mix!” He said happily, presenting Laurens with a blank CD that Alexander had written on in Sharpie. It read, ‘The Masterfully Amazing and Talented Alexander Hamilton Presents: Yet Another Road Trip Mix.’

“I bet it’s awesome.” Laurens said, still not quite awake enough to filter out the thoughts of how cute Alexander looked, smiling widely and jumping around with his hair in a loose ponytail. He was also dressed in sweatpants but was wearing a sweater with a jacket on top of that. Laurens made sure to bring an extra hoodie because he knew the second they stepped outside Alexander would once again be complaining of the chill.

They walked out the door, making sure it was locked, and it took Alexander exactly five seconds before saying, “John, why is it so cold outside?”

Laurens didn’t even think of a response, instead presenting Alexander with the extra coat, causing him to smile widely again. And honestly, Laurens would do anything to keep him smiling like that. Laurens would walk across broken glass and hot coals with a smile on his face if it kept Alexander smiling. 

“Which way are we going today, mon chéri?” Alexander asked, pulling his car out of the driveway and heading towards the highway. 

“East. There’s that huge field where you can see the sunrise beautifully.”

“As you wish.” Alexander grinned heading towards the field.

Laurens smiled happily at the picturesque moment. The stars were still out, but the light was just starting to peek through from where the sun was slowly rising. Alexander was humming silently and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Laurens knew perfect didn’t exist but this was close enough. 

When they arrived at the field they grabbed a blanket from the backseat and laid it on the grass. They sat down and stared at the horizon in silence. Alexander grabbed Laurens’ hand and they sat there together. In this moment John felt like he could take on the world, as long as he had Alexander Hamilton by his side. 

“Alex?” Laurens said. He was caught off guard by how illuminating and overwhelming Alexander’s full attention was. He usually had himself dedicated to at least four different tasks, only remembering to respond to Laurens out of habit. But when Alexander turned his way it was a hundred percent of him.

“Yes, John?” He asked.

“Kiss me.” John said quickly.

Alexander looked surprised, but did. It was soft and careful, like he wasn’t sure this is what Laurens’ really wanted. When he began to kiss back however, everything clicked in Alexander’s mind. If this was when Laurens decided he didn’t want to ever kiss him again, he was going to make the most out of it. John was surprised at how quickly their kiss became passionate and almost desperate, but he was able to keep pace, something that surprised him.

When Alexander broke away he looked into Laurens’ eyes, studying him. Looking for the slightest hint of disappointment or regret. Not finding any, it was his turn to look confused.

“Why’d you ask me to kiss you?” Alex asked, still holding Laurens’ hand. He started playing with Laurens’ fingers, yet another nervous habit he had picked up over the years.

“Because I wanted you to.” Laurens’ shrugged. Now wasn’t the time to tell him that he had been imaging their first kiss for months and now seemed as good a time as any.

Alexander laughed, “Good enough reason, I suppose. Look at the sky, it’s beautiful. Just like you.” He winked and Laurens groaned.

“I don’t know what I expected, honestly.” Laurens said, face slightly red.

“If it wasn’t bad pick up lines and intense political opinions, you may need to rethink this friendship my dear Laurens.” Alexander commented.

“Nope, I think I still like you a little bit. Come along Alexander, let’s drive until we can no longer see any of life’s struggles.” Laurens said standing up and pulling Alexander with him. 

“I suppose that’s a good course of action.” Alexander sighed, not letting go of Laurens’ hand until they had to get into the car. Nothing could ruin this moment for John Laurens.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a My Chemical Romance song. (Because I am the literal embodiment of Alexander Hamilton and a 2010 emo kid.)  
> The few french phrases I used may very well be wrong, and I apologize for that.  
> -V (for Vendetta?)


End file.
